Though it is natural for
humankind to connect in a way that nurtures compassionate awareness of our own
and other people’s needs, most of us have been immersed in a belief system
learned over many generations that makes such connection difficult. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) assists
us to notice habitual behaviours and
related inner dialogues that disconnect us from our natural compassion and to identify and connect with underlying life
qualities or “needs” – ours and those of other people.
To assist people to develop
awareness of these habitual behaviours and inner dialogues (I like to call this
“my stuff”), I have chosen to include
them in a list NVCers often refer to as
the “Four ‘D’s of Disconnection.”
The Four D’s of Disconnection:
1.
Diagnosis: including evaluations, analysis, criticisms,
comparisons, projections, labels, moralistic judgements (ideas of
rightness/wrongness, goodness/badness, diligence/laziness,
appropriateness/inappropriateness, etc).
In using communications similar to the above, we are using static language to
diagnose who we think people are instead of communicating what is important to
us. Such language increases
the likelihood of defensiveness, argument or returned criticism and lessens the
likelihood of understanding and connection.
As we are culturally conditioned
to this type of thinking and dialogue, I believe many of us experience great
difficulty in understanding why ideas of rightness and wrongness may not serve
life. And yet, the moment we deflect
focus away from that which is most important to us (our inherent needs) to
ideas that incorporate moralistic judgements of ourselves or other people, we
decrease own clarity and therefore opportunity to choose actions or words that
will most fully serve us.
2. Denial of Responsibility: including words like “should”, “ought” “must” “can’t” “have to”, attributing the choices
we make to “company policy” or “superiors orders”, or attributing the cause of
our feelings to other people or extrinsic situations (“You make me feel frustrated!”).
When we use language or incur thoughts
either consciously or unconsciously that imply that our choices are the result
of someone or something extrinsic from ourselves, we lessen connection to our
own empowerment and awareness. Words like “should” “must” and “can’t”
imply our present choices are beyond our control. Such words, though often expressed, do not
provide clarity or insight into the needs we are serving by making the choices
we do. As we begin to notice such words
or thoughts, however, we can utilize our new awareness to link to (or take
responsibility for) our needs. As needs
become forefront in our consciousness, we are then empowered to choose
strategies that may better support them.
So the question that may most serve us when thinking words like ‘should’ is: “What do I need in this moment?”
3. Deserve-orientated
language. This language or belief
system includes ideas of punishment and reward as motivators and often implies
that either reprimand or praise is deserved.
A question we might ask ourselves to shift to a consciousness more
mutually empowering and supportive of our intrinsic values might be as follows:
“Would we like our children or others in
our lives to be self-motivated, excited and intrinsically inspired to learn,
evolve and grow because they are connected to and inspired by their own needs
and values? Or would we prefer that this
motivation is derived from rewards if they comply with our ideas for learning
and evolving… or punishments if they do not comply?”
4. Demands (instead of
Requests)
When we demand something of
another person, that person may agree.
However, compliance may often evolve from fear or worry that the other
will be disliked, blamed or punished if s/he does not agree, and may therefore
result in depression or anger. If the
other person chooses not to succumb to our demand, we may experience rebellion
and non-compliance to future requests. I
believe we are much more likely to fully realize our needs when we are
unattached to an agenda and willing to incorporate openness, curiosity and
mutual respect into our dialogues. When we request an action from another person
without attachment to outcome
and with a willingness to connect to mutual
needs, we are most likely to produce an agreement that fulfils and
honors each person and contributes to future harmony. An easy way to determine whether or
not the request we are contemplating is truly a request (and not a demand) is to ask ourselves
how we would respond if we heard back, “No”.
The Two Parts and Four
Components of Nonviolent Communication:
Nonviolent Communication
is a process that asks us to notice and acknowledge common
disconnects (previous pages) and to identify and experience the life underlying these disconnects. The process evolves as awareness is
developed of NVC’s four components (not necessarily in any particular order): observations, feelings, needs and requests
- and two parts: authentic expression
of our own needs and empathic presence
to the needs of others. As we
learn to express ourselves clearly and in harmony with our own needs and
values, we also learn to develop presence or listen to other people’s needs
with like compassion.
A. Authentic Expression through the Four
Components of NVC:
1.
Observations: It
is challenging for many to differentiate between clear observations and
moralistic judgements, yet developing clarity of this distinction can be key to
ensuring your own message will be understood.
(i) Clearly state
what you are seeing, hearing, touching, feeling, smelling or tasting.
(ii) Be specific as to time and context…. When and where did this
occur? What specifically did you see, hear, touch, taste, or smell? If you heard something, what were the exact
words that were stated? If you saw
something, what did you see?
(iii) Separate your observation from any evaluation. If you express what has been observed as a
statement of evaluation or moralistic judgement, the listener is likely to hear
criticism. If the observation is
something you heard or saw, you may assist yourself to discern the difference
by asking yourself: “Is my observation something that could be seen or heard
by a video camera?”
|
Example
1:
|
“You
don’t care about me anymore.”
(Evaluation – in this example the speaker is expressing her assessment of the
situation.)
|
|
Example 2:
|
“You stated, ‘I’m not coming to your graduation’.”
(Observation – in
this example, the speaker is stating specifically what she
heard.)
|
2. Feelings:
Many words commonly used to express feelings more accurately express
thoughts. These thoughts either evaluate
ourselves or project ideas about what we believe others may be thinking or
doing. We gain clarity and connection if
we develop awareness of such words or phrases and take the time to look beyond
them to our actual feelings. For example:
(i) A common habit
is to follow the words “I feel” with words such as “like”, “that”, or “as
if”, or a personal pronoun such as “you”, “she”, “he”, or “they”,
or names or nouns referring to people. When we do this, we are not expressing feelings. Instead, we are expressing thoughts. By
noticing such phrases and taking the time to process underlying feelings, we
assist our communication and our understanding.
|
Examples:
|
Expressing
thoughts:
|
Expressing feelings:
|
|
|
“I feel
like an idiot”
|
“I feel
embarrassed”
|
|
|
“I feel
as if you’re angry at me”
|
“I feel
fearful and worried”
|
|
|
“I feel
she’s way out of line!”
|
“I feel
anxious and perturbed”
|
|
|
“I feel
Bob is unprofessional!”
|
“I feel
frustrated and dismayed”
|
(ii) Individual
words that describe how we think others have impacted us:
Examples: abandoned, abused, betrayed, bullied,
cheated, coerced, disrespected, cornered, diminished, ignored, intimidated,
let-down, manipulated, mistrusted, misunderstood, neglected, overworked,
patronized, pressured, put down, ridiculed, set-up, targeted, trapped, tricked,
unappreciated, uncared-for, unheard, unrecognized, used, unseen, unsupported,
unwanted, unwelcome, victimized, worked-over
For example, we might say we “feel
manipulated”. This is really an idea
we have that someone is doing something to us…it’s very useful
information because it provides us with an opportunity to get in touch with the
needs underlying our thoughts. Perhaps
the underlying need, in this situation, might be consideration. If our need for consideration is not fulfilled,
we might be feeling irritation.
So it helps us to connect with what is really going on if we are clear: “I feel irritated and would like consideration
for my own point of view” instead of “I feel manipulated”.
(iii) Individual
words where we label ourselves:
Examples: clumsy, dumb, inconsiderate, ignorant,
inadequate, inefficient, incompetent, insignificant, meaningless, purposeless,
ridiculous, stupid, uncreative, unreliable
For example,
we might say we “feel inadequate”. Perhaps
our need, if we stay in touch with our thought of inadequacy might be “contribution”. If we have a sense that we’re not
contributing as we would like, we might be feeling “discouraged”. So instead of “I feel inadequate”
shifting to a phrase like, “I feel discouraged because I would like to be
contributing” assists us to gain clarity of the needs underlying words like
those above. With this clarity it is
much easier to link to requests or strategies that might support us.
We often deny responsibility for our own feelings by implying that others
are the cause of our unsettled feelings. Instead, we can enhance life
by taking responsibility for our own feelings by linking them to our
needs:
|
Denying
responsibility:
|
“You
make me feel annoyed when you say I’m not pulling my weight around here” (implies the other is the cause of our
annoyance)
|
|
|
|
|
Taking
responsibility:
|
“When you
say I’m not pulling my weight around here, I feel annoyed because I’d
like recognition for the efforts I have made.” (implies that the cause of our annoyance is
related to our own need for recognition)
|
|
|
|
|
Denying
responsibility:
|
“He
makes me feel so bored!” (implies
the other is the cause of our boredom)
|
|
|
|
|
Taking
responsibility:
|
“I
feel bored because I’d like more stimulation and meaning in this
course.” (implies that the cause of our boredom
is related to our own need for stimulation and meaning)
|
Other people may be the stimulus, but never the cause of our feelings. Our
feelings are caused by needs that are either fulfilled or unfulfilled in any
given moment and the related thoughts we are experiencing at the time.
3. Needs
Needs (or values) are the heart
of NVC. Needs are universal, common to all
cultures, genders, races and countries.
When we are able to live fully aware and present to human values instead
of falling into patterns of disconnection, we are more likely to contribute to
harmony, peace and connection in the world.
When we experience a situation
that is challenging for us, we can assist ourselves if we are aware of the
difference between behaviours that are likely to alienate life and behaviours
that are likely to enhance life and our option to choose. The following question may be helpful: “What
is my intention in this moment? Am I
choosing connection (awareness of present needs) or disconnection (stuck
in my ‘stuff’)?”
If the words
we communicate and the actions we choose incorporate life-alienating thoughts
and beliefs, we are unlikely to experience the connection and understanding we
would like. As we begin to open fully
and authentically to needs awareness, we free ourselves to explore solutions
that support ourselves and others. With
this awareness, we increase our chances for connection, understanding,
contribution and meaning. As we begin to notice and process our life
alienating thoughts and behaviours, and become increasingly mindful and
supportive of our own needs and those of others, we nurture the seed of
compassion in all humankind.
A common
challenge for people new to NVC is to differentiate
between a need and a strategy.
For example I might having a conversation with another person and
suddenly hear myself say, “I need a cup of coffee”. In this instance, I am not
expressing a need. Instead I am focusing
on a strategy that may meet a particular need.
If I take the time to process underlying needs in this moment, I might
be aware that I am feeling fatigued and need more meaning and
connection with this person.
Therefore the strategy of “coffee” came to mind. If I’m in touch with needs, other strategies
might serve me just as well such as five minutes outside in fresh air, or a
shift in the nature of the conversation that would more fully meet needs for
meaning and connection.
|
Examples:
|
Expressing
strategies
|
Expressing needs:
|
|
|
“I need a
new car”
|
“I need
freedom and ease ”
|
|
|
“I need a
cigarette”
|
“I need
peace and relaxation”
|
|
|
“I need
my own apartment
|
“I need
space and autonomy”
|
|
|
“I need a
therapist!”
|
“I need
understanding, peace,
harmony, ease”
|
Sometimes it
may seem impossible to identify needs when we are experiencing challenge. However, if we develop a mindfulness of our
intention in the moment, we can use that awareness to support ourselves before
we speak. Let’s look at this further,
using an example:
Jocelyn says to her partner, Luke: “I’ve been waiting over a half an hour…as if you cared!”
Thoughts going on in Luke: |
Possible needs underlying Luke’s thoughts: |
|
|
|
|
“How can she suggest I don’t
care! Does she even remember the
flowers I gave her last week?” |
Appreciation,
Recognition |
|
|
|
|
“I don’t get support from her
and I’m not getting it at work
either!” |
Recognition,
Understanding, Support |
|
|
|
|
“My boss is such a dictator. If he hadn’t forced me to work overtime, I’d have been on time.” |
Consideration,
Understanding |
|
|
|
|
“Darn, she’s really pissed off. I guess I should have phoned her”
|
Responsibility, Consideration of others, Communication
|
If
Luke shares his thoughts (left column) with Jocelyn, he is unlikely to
experience the understanding he would like.
His thoughts are not “bad” - they are simply an invitation to dig a
little deeper and find out what is going on.
If he is willing to check his intention as he experiences these thoughts
(taking a long, slow breath helps), he would realize that he is disconnecting
into his “stuff”. Then, if he takes the
necessary time to connect with his needs (right column) before he speaks,
instead of communicating his disconnects, he will be able to express himself in
NVC using words that Jocelyn might hear more easily, such as:
“When I hear you say you’ve been waiting a
half an hour, I feel frustrated and regretful.
I wish I’d phoned you to say I would be late. At the same time, I’m going through a tough
time at work and I’d like understanding and support around that. Would you be willing to sit down with me now
and tell me about any feelings that have come up for you as I’ve shared this?”
4.
Requests: If we
desire to connect compassionately with other people, it is important to include
a clear request. If we are not
clear what we are wanting from another person, we are unlikely to be fully
connected to our needs and may be holding some disconnecting thoughts of
ourselves or the other person like wrongness, blame or criticism. It may be helpful therefore, before beginning
to express ourselves to another, to ask ourselves the following questions:
|
“What
is my intention in making this request - am I fully connected to needs
or are my thoughts incorporating my ‘stuff’ and moralistic judgements?”
|
| “What is it
that I am wanting from this person in this moment?” |
Example 1 (needs expressed without request): “When I realize that the report promised
today is delayed until Tuesday, I feel dismay because efficiency is important
to me and I want to honour our commitment.”
Example 2 (needs expressed with request) “When I realize that the report promised
today is delayed until Tuesday, I feel dismay because efficiency is important
to me and I want to honour our commitment.
Would you be willing now, to share your ideas about how we might meet
future targets with more ease?”
In the first example, the
listener is unlikely to be clear about what is wanted of him. He may even interpret that the speaker is
implying that he is being judged for a perceived lack of commitment and
efficiency. In the second example, the
listener immediately has clarity as to what is requested. This increases possibility that he will
understand the speaker’s needs and the likelihood that he will respond
affirmatively.
It is also helpful to understand the difference between making a request and making a demand. If your objective in asking someone to do something is to change that person or to get them to agree to do what you ask, you are making a demand. You are making a request if you are clearly connected to your needs and willing to listen to the needs of the other person if he or she says “no”.
It is important to distinguish
between specific language and vague or ambiguous phrasing:
|
Example
1:
|
“Are you willing to be more considerate in the
future?” (vague,
non-specific)
|
|
|
|
|
Example
2:
|
“Are you willing to phone me by noon if you are delayed?” (specific
request)
|
Remember to use positive action
language by stating what you are requesting instead of what you are not requesting:
|
Example
1:
|
“Please don’t eat the last donut.” (it’s hard to
do a “don’t”)
|
|
|
|
|
Example
2:
|
“Please save the last donut for Dad.” (specific positive action request)
|
|
Example
1:
|
‘Would
you do the dishes please?” (You’re not saying when… maybe they’ll still
be in the sink tomorrow morning)
|
|
|
|
|
Example
2:
|
“Would you please do the dishes before you go to bed
tonight?” (increases the likelihood that your request
will be honoured within the time-frame you envision)
|
Types of
requests: There are two types of requests, those
that ask for a specific do-able action and those that invite further rounds of
dialogue. The latter are called
“connection requests”.
(i) Connection requests: (help us to understand others or
determine if they understand us)
Example 1 (the request is highlighted in bold): “When I see last night’s dishes in the sink
this morning, I feel frustrated because I’d like us to cooperate and share
household chores. I’d really like to
know that I have been clear. Would
you be willing to tell me back what you heard me say?” This type of request
lets us know whether or not the listener has understood our needs. If we hear back something like, “Quit
picking on me”, we know we’ve not had the connection we would like. So we can choose to express our feelings and
needs again. The second attempt might
sound something like, “Thanks for telling me what you heard. I would like to express myself more
clearly. I’m feeling frustrated and
would like us to cooperate and share household chores. Would you tell me what you are hearing this
time?” When we ask another to repeat
back what we say, we are asking them to communicate that they understand our
needs. If this is clearly not happening,
then example 2 (below) is another connection request we might consider:
Example 2 “Would
you be willing to share your feelings as you hear me say this?” This request gives us the opportunity to
understand the feelings of the other person.
So incorporating this idea with the above situation might sound
something like, “When I see last night’s dishes in the sink this morning, I
feel frustrated because I’d like us to cooperate and share household chores. Would you be willing to share the feelings
that come up for you as I say this?” Now
we are asking for the other person to express her feelings. So if we hear back, “I feel pissed off…
you’re always telling me what to do”, we now have the opportunity to
empathize with her. That might sound
something like, “So you’re wanting to have some choice about how you would
like to contribute around here?”… and, with this, we are setting up
opportunity for the dialogue to continue until the needs of both sides are
voiced and understood.
(ii)
Action
requests: An action request asks a specific,
do-able action we would like of the other person and often results in a simple
“yes” or “no” response. Be sure to
include a time frame when applicable.
Example: “Would you be willing to pick up the kids
on your way home tonight?”
B. The other part of Nonviolent Communication – Empathy
- A Look at the Empathy Process
Empathy,
like most things in life, is always a choice.
If you choose to give empathy, you are making a conscious choice to be
fully present to the other person. You
may not enjoy the other person… you may not agree with the strategies he or she
is choosing. You are simply willing to
be present for that person’s feelings and needs in that particular moment. The giving of empathy is all about
choosing to shift consciousness away from yourself in any particular moment to
complete presence for the feelings and needs of the other person. Empathy is about being with someone, not
doing to someone. Empathy can be
chosen to celebrate joys or to assist the other person to uncover unmet needs
behind disappointments and pain. When
people become clear of the needs behind their pain, their clarity will assist
them to explore solutions or strategies that might better support themselves
and ultimately, other people as well.
Empathy does not imply that
you are a “doormat” for another to step on.
It is paramount that you are cognizant of and respectful of your own
needs. It can be enormously challenging
to support another person if you are not compassionate with yourself… So take time to process your own needs before
you extend to another. The heart-full
attention you offer yourself will infinitely enhance your empathic contribution
to another human being.
Empathy
can be effective even when it is silent.
Sometimes the other person is not ready to talk, or holds the idea that
he will never be understood. In such
times, quietly imagine the feelings and needs behind his pain. Even if you are not able to connect verbally
with him, the compassionate energy you are sustaining sets the stage for future
connection and understanding.
2. Seven tips to remember when you choose to offer empathy to another
person:
1. Pause and breathe.
2. If the other’s statement is
painful for you to hear, remember: “This is not about me.”
3. Ask yourself, “Am I sufficiently connected to my own needs to be able to be fully
present to the other person in this moment? If you are aware that your own unresolved
pain might impede your ability to contribute empathy, take time out to be with
what’s going on with you (your own feelings and needs) before committing to the
process outlined below.
4. Begin with an intention to connect: What
might the other person be feeling.... be needing? It may be helpful to imagine a
flow of heartfelt energy between yourself and the other person.
5. If you use words, be
conscious of and responsive to the energy of the other person.
6. Stay in the flow of empathy until you feel a
bodily relaxation or release in the other…. or you may notice that the person
has become quiet. At this point, ask if he or she has anything more he would
like to share.
7. If
the other has indicated that she has nothing further to share, it may be
beneficial in many instances to offer a post-empathy
request. This can be a very
powerful opportunity for the person with whom you are empathizing to connect
with any needs that may be unfulfilled and to consider choices that may support
those needs. Possible requests might be:
“Would you like to explore a possible solution right now?” |
“Would you like to hear my thoughts about this?” |
or something specific and do-able like:
“Would you like me to go with you to the school counselor tomorrow morning?” |
Sometimes the other person
needs time to absorb what he has discovered and may decline the offer of a
solution or strategy. Be aware that the
best support you can offer in this situation is space for her to explore
strategies or solutions when she is ready.
3. A Real-Life Empathy Story
I’m reminded of an incident
with my then teen-aged daughter during my early days with NVC. My partner had photographed her receiving the
winner’s trophy at a sporting event.
Thinking she would be delighted, he had enlarged and framed the photo
and placed it on a table in our entrance hallway. I was relieved he wasn’t home when my
daughter first saw it. She took one look
at the photo and exclaimed, “Who took that photo? - It’s crap!”.
Perhaps you can imagine what
might have been going on in my mind at that moment. Thoughts like “how ungrateful!… how
selfish can she be?!… doesn’t she realize the love that went into creating
it?!” I even wondered what kind of
mother I was to bring up such a “selfish child”.
Luckily, I’d attended one of
Dr. Rosenberg’s introductory workshops the night before. I remembered his words, “All violence
is a tragic expression of unmet needs.”
I was certainly experiencing her words as violent… but what needs were underlying
them? I remembered hearing that one
important need for teenagers (for everyone for that matter) is “choice”. I also remembered that, no matter what was
being said, her outburst was “not about me”. I remembered the instruction to “take a
deep breath”. I actually took
two. I used that time to get in touch
with my own need for recognition of her father’s love in putting the picture
together. And then, feeling somewhat
bewildered, I asked my daughter, “So you would really like to choose the
pictures that are displayed of you?”
“Yes,” she replied. “Dad should have asked me first!. It’s a stupid picture!” Taking another
breath, I decided to stay with empathy.
“So I guess you’re really frustrated and having choice is important
to you?” I was so new to NVC, the only need that came
to my mind was “choice”. I guess I was
somewhat on track because I heard her mumble, “Uh-huh.” She looked down at the table, silent, her
shoulders sagging. Still feeling
confused, and wondering about next steps, I asked her if it would be okay if I
put the photo in her Dad’s office and she agreed.
When I returned to the table
where we had been having the discussion, I discovered my daughter with her head
in her arms, sobbing. Between sobs, she
looked up at me and said, “It’s not about the picture… it’s about…” She began to tell me about a work experience
she had endured that day that had been very painful for her. I listened quietly, feeling immense gratitude
for my fledgling knowledge of NVC.
Imagine what might have
happened if I had reacted by expressing my earlier thoughts to her when she was
already feeling so raw and tender… imagine if I told her she was “ungrateful
and selfish”? Instead, because I had
been willing to stay with the needs behind words I had initially found so
challenging, I had a treasured opportunity not only to support her through her
difficulty (with more NVC empathy…this time her needs were easier to discern),
but also to deepen connection and respect in our relationship.
After my daughter had
recovered, she asked me, “Where did you put the picture?” I told her it was in her Dad’s office. “Oh,” she replied… “let’s put it back in the hallway… it’s really
okay.” The photo has been proudly
displayed ever since.
3. Impediments to Empathic
Connection
Most of us naturally want to
help those in pain, especially those most dear to us - our children, partners,
friends or relatives. Sometimes, the
strategies we choose to assist others actually impede empathic connection. Instead we may attempt to fix the situation,
offer advice, educate, explain, or ask questions we think might be helpful.
While some of these may be helpful after empathy is complete if
the person is open and receptive to that manner of support, these offerings
should not be confused with empathy.
Empathy requires only that you stay fully present for the feelings and
needs of the other person.
Sympathy, though often
beneficial, is sometimes confused with empathy.
Sympathy, however, is really all about yourself and your own feelings,
not those of the other person. An
obvious clue if you’re wondering if you are sympathizing or empathizing is if
you hear yourself using the word “I” throughout your conversation. Instead, NVC
empathy would sound something like, “Are you feeling _______ because you
need _______”
I’m including a list of
actions I consider impediments to empathic connection below:
Advice, Fixing, Educating
“If I were you, I’d….” |
“There’s a video out on this…” |
Explaining or Correcting
“Oh, I think they meant…” |
“Actually Tom didn’t arrive until yesterday…” |
Interrogating
“How long have you known him?” |
“What time did you get to bed?…” |
Evaluating or Analysing
“You’re too sensitive…” |
“They are way out of line…” |
Sympathizing
“Hearing that, I feel irate… I can’t imagine how you tolerate him!” |
“I really feel for you…” |
Consoling
“There’s always a next time…” |
“Poor you… you did your best” |
One-upping or Telling a
Story
“Wait ‘til you hear what happened to me…” |
“That reminds me of the time….” |
Shutting down
“You need to grow up…” |
“Think of what the others were feeling…” |
4. Building NVC Consciousness is an Ongoing
Process
I believe it takes time and
infinite practice to develop NVC consciousness.
Initially, we may begin to notice our own thoughts and actions more,
wondering about the needs underlying our choices and our feelings. From our deeper noticing, we may choose to
construct a new mindfulness of intention, an awareness of non-attachment to
particular strategies, a consciousness of openness, mutual empowerment,
partnership and possibility. We may
become more willing to consider others’ needs within the context of our own
needs (which we see as equally important) and more creative in structuring
opportunity to consider and honour everyone’s needs.
In the beginning, people tell
me they are not able to come up with words that adequately express their new
NVC knowledge, but that they are reacting less and noticing their thoughts and
language more - that often they retreat to silence to gain some clarity before
attempting to express themselves or before offering empathy to someone. Often people tell me that their deepest
learning has been derived from times when they are sharing NVC with
others. I know this is true for me. I also believe that NVC is an ongoing process
- that, for me and many others, it is about continual learning and growing
fueled by a deep desire to connect with other people, to contribute to them and
to all life on this planet….essentially to know that what we do matters. I believe that as we learn to authentically
express our own needs and remain open and empathically present to the needs of
others, we begin to construct a foundation of trust, mutual respect and
understanding that will significantly enhance all relationships and all
life. For this awareness, I am
continually grateful to Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and my CNVC colleagues and
friends with whom I share, and learn and grow.
